


Wisdom Teeth

by MothVolumnia



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Dentistry, Humor, M/M, Wisdom Teeth, just nonsense really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 23:11:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2086689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MothVolumnia/pseuds/MothVolumnia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reiner descends into darkness as he prepares to have his wisdom teeth removed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wisdom Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely no authority to write about anything to do with wisdom teeth or their removal.

Reiner’s eyes were bloodshot putting an enormous amount of effort to keep them open and to keep his head propped up, it swung around occasionally from side-to-side a small sliver of drool dripped down his chin sporting specks of blood. 

 

A few weeks ago Reiner had been told during a routine check-up that his wisdom teeth would have to be removed; apparently a rare case of benign growth and other complications, Reiner had sat in the padded chair nodding as his dentist, a petite blonde haired woman named Ms. Lenz (‘but please just call me Christa!’ she insisted) explained. 

 

He always felt a little nervous around her but that could be something to do with the surgical mask she wore or the large drills she wielded or that general clinical smell that settles into these places. 

Now Reiner considered himself, all six feet and fifteen stone, to be a pretty tough guy tough he could withstand some pretty painful stuff but surely someone sticking needles in your mouth and yanking out your teeth was a universal fear? 

 

A few minutes ago Reiner had been called in for his appointment; he entered the impossibly white room, decked out in all the usual shiny stuff that Reiner didn’t like to think about or look at for very long. 

And of course, the chair, sitting smugly at the centre of the room, waiting for its next victim. 

 

He looked up anxiously at Christa who was setting up her equipment; she flashed him a smile or at least he assumed he couldn’t exactly see her mouth but it reached her eyes. 

 

It was a little comforting. 

 

He heard the snap of her surgical gloves, as the chair began to move backwards on the way to his descent to darkness he saw the same crinkle appear in her eyes.

 

It was a little terrifying. 

 

He was given some local anaesthetic and then inhaled some nitrous oxide. 

 

This was a little better...

 

Yes, he’d chosen the ‘laughing gas route’ as much as he hated anyone scrapping around his mouth with pitchforks he’d still prefer to be conscious to see them do the devil’s work than have them knock him out as they performed their lord Satan’s work.  
What if he woke up hours later, in an abandoned dental hospital, with no teeth and a missing kidney? 

 

It could happen. 

 

A moment passed, he could felt the pressure, he could hear the shrieking of the drill but he didn’t care.

Christa could be using his mouth to dig a hole to China for all he was concerned. 

 

The whole procedure was over in a matter of minutes. 

Reiner’s head was bobbing in bliss muttering nonsense to Christa as she cleared up, his face had swollen a little by the time Bertholdt had managed to get there. 

 

There was no way Reiner would be able to get himself home in his current state, which could only be described at this point as a big dribbling man baby. 

Bertholdt entered the room exchanging a quick hello with the receptionist and cheerfully greeting Christa. 

‘whoooo is thaaat?’ Reiner slurred, head flipping dramatically. 

Bertholdt looked a little apprehensive as Reiner seemed to be completely and utterly out of it.  
Evident enough by the waterfall currently streaming down his face. 

‘That’s Bertholdt, he’s here to take you home’ Christa explained 

‘He’s taking me home?’ he pointed at Bertholdt but looked up at Christa, who had transformed from a drill dealing devil to an anaesthetic angel in the course of a thirteen minute procedure. 

 

Christa and Bertholdt exchanged a glance; he seemed to be waiting for her approval to approach her patient.  
‘Yes, Bertholdt, he’s your boyfriend so he’s going to take you back home and make sure you’re looked after, ok?’ Christa had leaned down to Reiner adopting a softer tone than usual. 

 

Reiner’s jaw dropped as he slapped his hand against Christa arm a little too hard by the looks of it as a slight grimace flashed over her face. 

‘Shuuuuut uuuup!’ Reiner closed his eyes and began to shake his head in disbelief. 

‘ohmygod he’s so hot’ Reiner sounded exasperated and was almost swaying his whole body back and forth, still clutching on to Christa’s arm. 

‘Do you think he’s in proportion?’ Reiner staged whispered to Christa, raising his eyebrows obscenely high and wiggling them about.

 

Never before had Bertholdt likened his boyfriend to Jim Carrey and if anyone else had he’d wonder what they’d been inhaling but in that moment he saw it. 

 

With Reiner’s jaw threatening to drop to the ground and his eyebrows getting ready to launch out of the orbit. He saw it. 

 

Christa bite at her lip holding back her laugh maintaining every ounce of her professionalism, Bertholdt stood feeling his clothes grow damper and his face redder as he attempted to shrink down in a frame. A frame that ducked daily through doors landing frequent injuries and had to order most of his jeans on online specialists shops. 

 

‘My girlfriend’s tall but she’s pretty flat’ Christa’s mind began to wander… 

‘Uh-’ she stalled as Bertholdt approached hoping to save any further humiliation. 

‘Bertholdt! Oh Bertholdt!’ Reiner cried as if his memories had suddenly come flooding back to him. He finally sat up from the chair and reached out towards his boyfriend. 

Bertholdt remained sheepish as he approached but took Reiner’s hand into a grip that was bound to leave marks.

Before they left Christa covered all of the grounds of information Bertholdt needed; how long it would take for his face to go back down to a normal size, when his mouth would stop bleeding, what he could eat, the medicine for the pain afterwards and that he should feel free to contact her if there were any other concerns or questions. 

 

It took a while to coax Reiner out of the room as he proceeded to say bye to Christa, her assistant, the receptionist, the old man sitting in the waiting room. 

 

‘She’s an angel’ Reiner sighed as they left loud enough for Christa to hear. 

Bertholdt laughed remembering earlier that morning when he dubbed Christa a ‘qualified torture specialists!’ 

 

Bertholdt helped Reiner into the car fastening his seatbelt doing his best to ignore the nonsense continuing to cascade from his mouth.

‘I bought you lots of ice-cream’ Bertholdt said

 

Reiner stared at him, face scrunched up almost a 100% cheek at this point and looking more like a sleepy hamster than any ounce of threatening. 

 

Reiner’s face stayed in place, ‘I love you’ he slurred 

 

Bertholdt broke into laughter and leaned in closer, ‘I love you too’ 

 

A drop of drool slipped down Reiner chin and onto Bertholdt’s hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted this to be longer and cruder...
> 
> I like to think that if Bertholdt and Reiner hadn't met yet poor Connie would be trying to restrain a very vocal Reiner proclaiming his love for sucking dicks.


End file.
